A Heart Sergeon is going to pick up his motorcycle that has been in the shop to get new rings and a valve adjustment. When he arrives the mechanic is just finishing up. The mechanic looks up at the doctor and says you know are jobs are alot a like we both have to get inside and fix a problem but how come you get about 50 times more than me. The doctor replies try to do the same job you just did with the motor running. What does a hound dog and a Harley Davidson have in common? 1.They have the same initials. 2.They both leak all over the garage. 3.They both like to ride in the back of a pick up truck. A guy goes to the doctor for a physical and the doctor has him pee in a cup. The doctor pours it through a computor device and a card comes out stating that he has tennis elbow. The man in disbelief looks at the doc and says your kiddin right? No the doctor says, I want you to rest your arm use this cream and bring me another urine sample in two weeks. So still in disbelief of this machine the guy decides to mess with the urine sample. He gets some pee from his dog, then his daughter, then his wife and finally he jerks off in the sample. He takes his sample to the doc and says test that. The doc pours it in the computor and it starts going crazy and finally spits out the results. It says your dog is pregnant your daughter isn't a virgin, your wife is having an affair with the milkman and if you dont quit jerking off you will never get rid of that tennis elbow. A biker and a cowboy are both on death row and scheduled to be executed on the same day. As they both sat outside the death chambers, they were asked what their last request were. The cowboy says his last request is to hear achey breaky heart. Then the biker says Kill me first. What does Popeye do when he gets a rusty pecker? He puts it in Olive Oil. One day this deer comes stumbling out of the woods, she is exausted and a bit ruffed up. She says I will never do that for two bucks again. A man and woman who have been married fo 50 years decide to do something special for thier anniversary. They decide to have breakfast in the nude. The old lady says to her husband, honey my nipples are as hot for you now as they were 50 years ago. He replies thats because one is in you coffee and the other is in your oatmeal. A man who has been hunting drives through a check point where the game warden is checking tags. The game warden says to him you have a legal kill here but how do you explain the condom in this elks butt? The man replies "it says right here on my tag to leave proof of sex" What does Yoko Ono and an ant eater have in common?...They both live off of dead Beatles! This old man is sitting in the park one day and he is looking and this youngster walking his way. The old man couldn't take his eyes off this youngster who had red, blue, green and yellow hair with all kinds of piercings. The yougnster gets closer and says whats the matter old man haven't you ever done anything wild and crazy before? The old man replies Yes I once screwed a parrot stuck to a fence and I was wondering if you are my kid. Homer and Bubba decide they wants to git a college education. The go to the local community college and Homer goes into the advisor first. The advisor suggests he takes math, science, history and logic. Homer asks whats logic? He says let me give you an example. He asks Homer do you own a weed whacker? Yes Homer replies. Well then logically you own a home? Yes Homer replies. Then logically you have a wife and kids? Homer replies yes I get this logic stuff I will take it. He walks out and Bubba asks what he is taking? Homer replies math,science, history and logic. Bubba asks what is logic. Homer says well Bubba do you own a weed whacker? Bubba replies no. Homer then says well that makes you a fag. A young lad goes to the beach in hopes of meeting some females. All day long he gets the cold shoulder so he asks the life guard for some tips. The life guard tells him to get a tight little bathing suit and put a potato in there. He does and at the end of the next day he goes back to the life guard and tells him still no luck. The life guard replies you have to put the potato in front! This little fish one day was swimming around just having fun and all of a sudden he runs smack into a cement wall..... All he can say is DAM Whats the difference between this ape and a snowboarder? Nothing! This 80 year old man is engaged to a 20 year old hotty and is a bit worried about satisfying her sexually. He then learns of a new operation he can get where they take the foreskin of a baby elephant and graph it to his penis. He gets it done and when he gets out of the hospital they go to her parents house for dinner. While sitting next to each other she starts rubbing his leg and sure enough it starts coming to attention. To relieve the pressure he unzips his pants. Well by this time they were passing food around the table and here comes the bowl of baked potatos. When its right in front of the old man his penis jumps on out grabs a potato and goes back under the table. With all there eyes in disbelief the mother in law to be asks can you do that again? He replies probably but I don't think I can fit another potato in my ass! What is black and red and has 2 legs? 1/2 a cat! |
